You can’t give people the benefit of the doubt if you’re incapable of doubting yourself

Most tautologies are self-fulfilling prophecies For example: Most people are average But God never met

Starting gun to my head I’ll finish what you started And run the race By running in place

The number one rule For doing a number on us Is taking a number Because when our number comes up It’s only ever because our days ar…

Life isn’t fair But we are all equals In the struggle To stay out of judging others For failing at their struggles–

Human beings evolved to avoid face-to-face conflict which was why until very recently everybody was talking behind each…

In the world to come The United Nations will finally r… If you can’t beat ‘em Join ‘em

Life is a talent show where most everyone is doing bad versions of easy impressions

Much like nuclear weapons the whole point of having vacation days is never to use them

I have what I need I know what I want I do all that I can until my day… My God does all the rest Or

If your phalanges cause you to philander pluck off the ring

Just because they’re coming to get you doesn’t mean you’re not paranoid

Insanity is also seeing people do the same thing over and over again and expecting them to let you cons…

Like a fine wine liberalism only rises to the subli… with a good pairing

Instead of a scythe the mirthful reaper carried balloo… and we just floated away