Think about how much control they… with a made up version of eternal damnation Then consider how much freedom you’ll be left with

My self-care plan includes a cheat day when I get to go to church

I was struggling to decide Whether music is more defined by t… “90’s music is obviously the great… Or by type– “Grunge is so underrated, it’s ove…

The sign used to say: Gentlemen may remove their hats All others must Now it reads: Ladies and gentlemen may wear thei…

There are only two real superpowers: unacknowledged plagiarism and begrudging cooperation

I wear black socks On the outside Because black is how I feel In the onside

People don’t like surprises so I tell them they’re in for a real surprise which gives them something to look…

Our brains are just big enough to operate eight fingers and two thumbs An octopus is smart but if it also had

80% of success is physical And the other half Of success Is failure

You can’t call timeout in soccer But you can fake an injury You can’t call timeout in life But you can fake yourself out By believing you’ve faked us all o…

Setting aside crimes of passion, when people commit crimes it’s eit… they think they can get away with… or because they want to get caught Either way, they’re guilty;

Politics has become another form of showbiz but while the showman should always leave them wanting more the politician knows to

The surest sign That people don’t know what they w… Is when they want to have it both… But since you can’t have it both w… They settle for enforcing one way

The fruit of the tree of knowledge… Has fully ripened In the form of the internet Which looms large With the promise of looming catast…

A grown up is someone who knows the right thing to do and does it anyway