The moment I think It’s beneath me the solid ground collapses into a sinkhole where I remain
When I run out of things to do I write an itinerary: When all else fails fill sandbags to convert
Why is there something rather than nothing? Because nothing is impossible
We mistake the feeling of control for the feeling of freedom when freedom actually consists of the courage to take risks Those who encourage us
I was happily feeding at the trough when I noticed it had been filled with finger food
My wife sleeps on her back while I sleep in the mis– take prone position
The closest I ev– er came to forming Voltron was using Groupon
Not to be outdone I cut my face off to spite my nose
God looks down and sees all of His good kids making bad choices God is one but decides to speak to us
I always thought everybody was saying It’s better to be safe, then sorry
There are two types of men: Those who lie to deceive and those who by lying tell you what they really believe There is one type of woman:
Civilization is an attempt to filibuster death
Inside the hierarchy Humiliation is both a warning That there are no individuals with… And a reminder That your place in the group is at…
The kingdom of heaven is like a tr… where gentlemen may remove their h… while all others must
In the age of divorce It needs to be said: If you don’t want to end up divorc… Do not covet your neighbor’s ex-wi…
