If you want to ruin a man give him what he wants– This is the devil’s only secret

My analyst says I want to have my cake and put it in a time capsule too

When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped

The stapler inevitably jams And it’s always the stapler That jams the copier Except for the times it jams When you try to copy something you…

The culture war is a secret weapon in the class war which the haves use to keep the have nots

2/3 of the Earth Is covered by water So, most of the underground Is under water Accordingly, in dreams

Our central moral sentiment– that doing the right thing is its… hasn’t done us much good because through it we live in deni… that in this world

I respond to A nail in my tire Like it’s the last nail In my coffin

The tough part about loving someon… is that connection supports autono… It’s tough to love someone enough to grant them their freedom and you can only do so

You keep the peace they get everything else

As an American I have a posteriori knowledge that Americans pretend without reason to a priori knowledge of the other

When my father-in-law dusted the cobwebs off our front p… they were back within the week It is hard to feel sorry for a spe… that has negligible capacities for…

My wife and I have remained happi… because she recognizes me as capta… as long as I acknowledge her as air traffic control

My dad was a very religious man He always told me You’ve made your bed now you’ve got to not eat in it

Like Ikea fur– niture, I am difficult to put together