People will only tell the truth when they think they can get away with it For example, perjury laws only wor… by publicly threatening jail time

Our civilization is like an egg– It can withstand enormous pressure at the top (for the obvious reasons) and bottom

The intelligentsia’s job used to b… Biting the invisible hand that fee… And because they couldn’t see it a… They established the surveillance… To locate it everywhere

Our brains are just big enough to operate eight fingers and two thumbs An octopus is smart but if it also had

It’s not just that “Man is wolf to man” It’s that he has always known this about himself and yet

Where once an artist was a creator she is now a creative because a noun requires a verb and we’re meant to do nothing which pays well on the internet

I always wondered if mimes were a type of clown until having my mind blown by the insight that

None of us can see further than our own noses but Pinocchio can see further than the rest of us

Life has given us pumpkins ostensibly for carving and smashing but I smell an opportunity though the opportunity cost

The Cheshire Cat and Schrodinger’s Cat couldn’t agree on a place to meet

In hopes of finally nailing down All the right answers We converted English into math Filtering language through ones an… Making all stories into word probl…

Social media has made the famous so accessible that it’s like you can see the face of… but instead of dying you want to take a nap

I’ve never been good at shaving I struggle to put on deodorant wit… And I’m frequently dripping tooth… Onto that same shirt In this an many other ways

The hardest thing to face is that your dreams won’t come tru… unless your fears come true first

I always thought saying slide trombone was like saying pizza pie until I heard about the valve trombone