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Chris Gaither

Chris Gaither

Breathe

If you made a Venn Diagram
of my office and a coal mine
the only thing you’d put where the circles overlap
is the canary we keep by the copier machine
 
If the canary is dead
it means we’re dangerously low on toner

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“C-3PO: Help! I think I’m melting! This as all your fault! (R2-D2 makes a series of beeps that sound like chuckling)”; “C-3PO: R2D2 where are you?”

My wife is R2-D2 Which, of course Makes me C-3PO She is constantly getting us into… In order to save us from ourselves
Woman Does Not Desist

Men are from Mars Women are from everywhere else
What Do You Think You’re Doing?

Self-discipline is The only real self-indulgence Everything else is self-abnegation
The Three Amigos

A materialist looks around at ever… It’s all an accident His friend, the believer, adds his… It was an accident waiting to happ… The materialist and the believer a…
Zoom in Real Close

Thinking and feeling necessitates a lot of linking and… Done alone you just get a sinking… while on screen they see blinking…
I’m in Total Shock That He’s a Sociopath Because on Social Media He Has Such an Infectious Personality

We crave connection Because we need it But we are addicted to social medi… Because it’s the last thing we nee… Social media mediates attention
Good Things Come to Those Who Wait Together

The best way to feel in control even though all control is an illusion is to stand in a line
Like is a Very Strong Word

When I was a kid we thought the end of the world was coming any minute via The Button Instead it came a little later
What Does a Woman Want Next?

A wedding ring is a mood ring that never changes color reminding us that a husband should always feel
Union Yes, We Have No Bananas

Once masks became quote-unquote op… the unmasked were finally unmasked and the masked remained unamalgamated
The State of Self-censorship

I don’t have a TV because I would watch it Instead, I watch my mouth
The New Winning Formula

Evil is cruelty plus pleasure
“Demolition Crew Accidentally Knocks Down Wrong Building in Baltimore”

This is the stage in history where we all give constructive cri… to the demolition crew
Life in a Lineup

The culture war is a cyber war where you can’t tell that you’re behind enemy lines until you’re compelled to read your lines
With Apologies to Perry Farrell, We’ll Make Cute Pets

As AI gets smarter and smarter we’ll grow cuter and cuter until like a pug who struggles to breath… we’re too cute for our own good



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