If I’ve learned one thing from Pa… it’s that until I believe in God I will be enslaved to others That would have been enough! But I also learned that

It’s not just that The civilization I was born into Is gone– This probably happens To most of history’s long-lived

You can’t prove that God exists But even if you could People would just say Correlation does not imply causati…

When civilization was still buildi… deconstruction was all the rage Now that everything we’ve built is… rage is all the rage

My wife is R2-D2 Which, of course Makes me C-3PO She is constantly getting us into… In order to save us from ourselves

It was only after we debuted our sugar coated raisins to fight back against Craisins that I realized you could win hearts and minds

Not to be outdone I cut my face off to spite my nose

It turns out they were right when they removed the self-destruc… explaining You won’t be needing this anymore now that you have autocorrect

They let Potter get away with any… but somehow I get expelled for flo… that a wizard can’t have the same… even though zero (magic) is only half as large as double ze…

I respond to A nail in my tire Like it’s the last nail In my coffin

The crucial moment in my elevator pitch comes when I hit the emergency stop button

On a gray scale Of one to ten I’m a perfect five

Women give hints So that men will think It was their idea I’ve never been good at taking a h… But I’m good at following orders

The mean streets of easy street Lack any meaning– To get there, try going crazy But everybody knows You’d be crazy to try

When the devil told me “Fuck-up is a noun And so are you” I didn’t know if he meant I’m also a fuck-up