I put out a comedy album Side A was called Wins Side B was called Losses Only one side was funny

When they said God is dead They just meant God is forbidden And like a fool

Heads I bite my tongue Tails You cut it off

The soul is an appendix made of wo… and while plenty of people function perfectly well without on… much like the physical appendix– which stores good bacteria

A student’s job has always been to put received knowledge into their own words or, more simply to state the obvious

God is like a gifted analyst In that He leads you to reach Your own conclusions God is unlike an analyst In that He doesn’t interpret your…

The wonder of it all includes everything worth loving but also everything that must be endured So, I wonder about

God: Do you trust me? Me: It’s not my fault!

Jews have learned the hard way How to discern when someone has Failed to earn their F for failin… The tell is whenever a Jew just Living a life

When America was grouped by right… We could always meet in the middle… This was called democracy But those days are over With America divided into

Soft totalitarianism is like shoes That are just tight enough To remain comfortable If you don’t go anywhere

The difference between dreams and… Waking life is a recurring dream That fulfills your most urgent wis… For another chance So, if you’ve been given another c…

The quartermaster is responsible f… and nothing more Some of you will be content to half-ass the rest of it Some of you will be willing to ris…

Past– I know what I want Therefore, I need someone to tell… so I can go ahead and do it Present–

Women give hints So that men will think It was their idea I’ve never been good at taking a h… But I’m good at following orders