The Long Conversation
A back and forth. It’s suppose to lose its quotations and knowing who said what. Yep suppose to be long.
I’m just writing thoughts that were said.
You saw me from across the room and I saw you.
It felt sharp and this I could not look away from
You certainly had maybe had some
Some noise in the noise made its way from me to you
And the pure allure was once again true
I recognized you
I recognized this
And I hear the charge was felt by you too?
Because you stumbled over amped up words.
You’re not my type I tell you
no, most assuredly you are not.
But I always said I never had one
That you either have it or you do not.
And you’re an exception and to the rule
As you really could not be more different
And for once maybe this will be a tool
In forgetting the life before
But I would never make you a fool
But I decided I’d take this small detour.
So after many times we could not look aside
many more introductions
It’s been half a year now.
And it seems you have something to say.
I wanna teach you how to fall out of love you say
So you can do it all again.
Teach?
It’s just a word.
Ok.
I say I don’t know if that’s possible now as I gave that part of me away.
To who? that one you told me that thought you were a fool?
Yes, that one I laugh
Because what you say while it is true
I didn’t do much to prove it wasn’t true
I didn’t give them all
Just enough for me to not wanna do it again so soon.
Pride was a problem of both
I was just quiet waiting for it to fall through
Some sort of vendetta I have against people who assume too quick
Kindness I employ is there because I’ve gone through the cruel
Much longer ago than anything to do with them or you
It served me not
Yet they honestly thought that was an invitation to control and manipulate
And I had a hard time not being amused
They saw a rebound and did not even realize they were one too
Both of us had intentions to play at the first
But it turned to emotions very soon
But pretended emotions I’m still sure
I told him you met your match and if he’d have listened
We would not be in this situation
We wouldn’t be attached
By an invisible, infuriating
We played and pretended and something real came around
I admited
He wanted to stay the game player
But I’m honest I know something was real when we stopped for good
Actually jarred me
He didn’t know
Both of us needed to grow
Both not exactly good at this
he liked to pretend to me it was love
While I liked to pretend to myself it was
And when time goes by I always realized it never was
But this time
This time what?
Oh don’t worry
I just mean this time was not like the rest a month goes by then two
That’s usually when I know I’m through
I open my eyes and go oh yes I’m just playing for fun
This time the pretend became real and not the other way around
With all he’d done?
I mean I didn’t really have a choice
He hadn’t realized yet this was all for a reason.
And he thought he threw me away like a player not realizing I was waiting
so I could walk away and do what I needed.
I knew I could never be on my own while a user was around
But I’ll be damned if I found
That after it was all over that something real inside had developed.
And I know he felt the same
I know he won’t forget it
And neither will I.
His pride keeps him from saying anything
And I wouldn’t want a child like that anyway
The ego and pride is too much.
I think so too
You would, I wouldn’t be so quick to pass judgment if i were you.
You ain’t that different
I am you can tell
I cannot tell anything
Actually I knew him at the start faster than you
Well I’m a total stranger yes and he wasn’t exactly
He actually wanted me to have a mental breakdown it seemed
And he could not imagine how far away that is.
Nothing he could do could come close
He would never weild that power.
I’ll destroy any who attempt anything so wild
I’m not fragile flower
He wanted to put me in a box
And I was never this
I already had my bad girl phase and it bored me.
This I actually heard so I’d like to think it wasn’t true
But why does it ring true?
I don’t blame him for what I only heard
But that one especially makes me so humorous
Do people exist that foolish?
It can’t be.
He’s so naive and thinks that it’s me.
I’ve done all what he thought I hadn’t done yet.
Except I don’t make bets
I wish i could say my heart got broken.
But no, It didn’t
I truly don’t know the answer why.
Did I really not mean what I said?
No I know I did I said til I was dead
Signed in blood
But something about telling all your friends how obsessed you made someone makes you a bit ill
My feelings were killed quickly
It’s why I thought it was just another time I faked it for fun myself
Maybe if what he said was real
But no I was just being a friend and very supportive
It’s what scared me there was no obsession
Nor possession
No that was his desire not mine
I took this as a sign
Time after time
He’s never known one it seems
Why now do I feel even more things.
He was sad at beginning it wasn’t working out with her
Yet I propped him back up and off he went
Saw it happening and he pretended and showed off
I bet he feels like a fool now
Well That’s no man
No I’ll give you that it’s really sad
But I wasn’t exactly mature either
So you were neither
No but something was planted
But he’s still pretending to enjoy filling that void with nothing
The void has a hole in the bottom and nothing will fill it but something solid
And he keeps trying with Water
Devils daughter
Weak and insecure
I would tell you more
Sure
Ok so when you wanna go out
Tonight?
No
Another time
I just don’t want games
Because so obvious from the get go were these games of a youth
All I wanted was the truth
Because in All the games I saw a proof
The games didn’t go as planned
Emotions took a stand
But he quickly hid them back down
And pretended he didn’t want me around
He wanted me hurt
And it didn’t really work.
Not really
I kind of felt ashamed it didn’t
Like I wasn’t telling the full truth myself
And I wasn’t
But he started it first.
It makes me ill, a bit sick
I don’t judge so quickly
And I forgive before intent is even known.
I don’t let anyone fall apart
the Unconditional had no ending but it was nothing to do with the heart
Who is it? Tell me.
No you don’t get to know places or names
I’m not like them giving out information that’s not to be seen
He tried to ruin who I was so I’d be weak minded
It was laughable to say the least
I’m not who he’s used to dealing with and I warned
But he beleived it not
I told him I’d flip the script
He would not hear it
I wish I could tell him I’m sorry.
I don’t need his apologies
He did what he did.
He had a chance to come back
His silence is another game that will never work how he thinks
He needs to figure it out
I’m not gonna be like the rest
He should’ve said something quicker
The longer it went the less forgiving I get
The feelings turning cold
And once they are gone
They are gone for good
I wish I wasn’t like that
But that’s where I’m at.
I don’t need to tell you this
But Im much more quiet than I seem
Sure I said.
He stared at me then what about them made you whole?
After everything he did? Or so he thought?
I don’t know.
you didn’t know?
Maybe I do.
I said the soul.
You’re still swearing that again.
I grinned
As I know
I never thought I’d talk that way either
But the soul wants what it wants
He shrugged and said let me show you how
The heart can sound and your mind
Which I truly find it is something I must know
I rolled my eyes
So have said many and just as many I’ve turned down
And half as much haven’t kept me around
I may be nothing you think valuable
I don’t think that’s possible
Don’t try this
I’m serious
Smiles
I know but with a hint of humor
I like that I’ll put it on file
Laugh
Then why did you keep him around?
When he thought you were so meek, naive and new?
I guess Because it made him feel better at the time
And I was having fun
Even while he was spreading nonesense on me
And it’s a miracle I didn’t say my side
It could’ve truly destroyed and I don’t lie
But I’m better than that
But I got faults too
It just were not of that type
And I could tell he needed that he may never have felt in control much in his life
So he had to control all
I really don’t know
Don’t give me that
you said and yes I know you may be right.
But I have sight I with a purpose gave in to that
I’m guided by a line I don’t even understand myself.
The same guide told me when to drop it and walk.
He thought All those chances was my empty head and wrapped around his finger
It’s why I didn’t linger and he thought he said done
That was ok by me.
He set himself free
And I let him be
I just can’t get into all that drama
Someone don’t want us to talk
I wonder if he knows this yet
Someone wants us to stay apart
So why not just sit with me and talk
I am.
The fight I said I’d always give him no matter what he said or did
I forgave
All he did and all he would do
He don’t know the meaning of that I suppose but they should’ve known
i mean what I say
But He took too long to come back in to explain
He had a chance and he still with them stayed
That’s his answer
he’s with another
Sure he said
Nothing but a low end reflection of him
I winced and yes I said I know a user when I see one
But I don’t speak of others I don’t know.
And I would rather him be happy than dying inside
I hope my intuition lied
and what i know of her type isn’t true this time
But it is he said
You don’t know that and neither can I.
I don’t wish ill intent on anyone even those who did stupid things
Even after all the confusion and hate it brings
I cannot be the same.
He needs constant validation
And has new person syndrome
Like a drug a new person is best
I cannot even understand that
I’d rather keep one forever.
To everything done
He took offense
When I meant it all to help
I’d never hurt him intentionally
He still reacted like a child
Anytime something stings
And for him have you even cried?
Actually No surprisingly not even a sigh
I was quite sad but that was over a yr ago.
Didn’t last long
Then why?
How can you call that love?
I do not know it is because we are tied
And the knot there still remains
I’m not even saying the knot is good, right or sane.
Even when he threw in with a bunch of ignorance who thought they knew me
And they thought they even saw me bust at the seams
Nothing they could do could even phase me.
I got down and out
Because of every other thing in my life
It over shadowed everything to do with us.
Even though even on those things I don’t give him trust
Dark hands and dark places
Got not time for that.
I cannot be lied to, gaslit or made to feel crazy
I’m too stubborn and I know who and what I’m about
He should’ve realized that before trying to shout
Into any who would listen that I was this or that.
Such childish ways
I’m just not what he wants me so bad to be.
He missed the old version of me
Don’t even realize that’s not the old version that’s the false
I was always this.
He just finally dug deep enough to see it.
I’ll never give him those type of chances again.
Had he read the length of the words I sent
He wouldn’t have been so confused in the end.
Hed still be trying to bend me to his games
And still not figuring it out I’ll never be the type he’s used to shifting such blame.
And he could’ve been so much more
The same goes for me
He helped me in many ways
See error in me
I liked the change
I liked to be challenged
He couldn’t see the world that was there
Mistake mistake mistake
I’m glad or you wouldn’t be here
I suppose that’s one thing
I’m fine
not perpetually in pain.
Especially never under control
I wish I’d have told him these things I eradicated long ago
I know
all this behavior
Call me crazy when what’s their behavior?
He even once called me dangerous
I couldn’t even
You?
Yes me. I know.
I have no time for shady.
I wish he felt the same about them and could throw them off without feeling threatened.
I don’t trust that he went to.
As long as I’m wrong all is well but he’s still
too busy listening to fools instead of being his own master
He can’t see a walking disaster.
Or maybe he has by now
Anyhow
A tie is a tie.
A toxic tie maybe but a tie is a tie
You just liked him in between your
Now hold on that wasn’t true
I felt it right away and it always felt new.
Yea the physical tainted things I know.
But something I cannot deny continued to grow
And it was way past the shallow or physical
It was an inner know
Polar opposite
Different yet the same
But he liked playing hidden games that I already knew the rules too
He did know so he continue to try to cause chaos
Cause chaos to chaos controlled?
Why even try it?
You seem pretty calm now.
I am but I know what I can be.
What did he want perfection so much for?
I’m not sure but I don’t fault it
Not truly
I don’t feel left out or bested
Someone either chooses you or they don’t.
It’s not my fault they won’t.
He listened to lies
And couldn’t shake them
All they said of me was what they were
I hope the surprise wasn’t too bad
What lies could anyone believe about you
Idk there’s a lot I won’t even tell you.
I don’t even know you and I’m not sure i would
Well maybe that’s not necessarily smart either
Or maybe your just trying to make me feel better
I want him to forget it
I wanna at least get some time
Well thanks
He said well I think you think he hasn’t and that’s why you hold onto to the feeling
Actually no I don’t even entertain it anymore
I don’t think he’s doin much at all
But that’s my mind
My intuition says something a tad different
The cord
The cord?
Yea
What else.
I simply just know it’s still connected so it keeps me from looking for the door
But how bout another time me and you?
I’m more through
Than you’d realize
But it’s the kind of connection you don’t sever overnight
He could hate me and leave forever
And still it’s there
His hate was unfounded
I was so much more grounded
Does not mean there will be a reconciliatory union
Or talking anytime soon
I don’t even know if I want him at all.
I just know we were a catalyst for the others lives
No matter who we are with or where we go
Something will remain in the back of our minds of the other
I dare him to tell me different
We know eachother pretty deeply
And he denied it
Well I wish this wasn’t true
Who knows?
Maybe it’s not.
But if it is true
you show that respect no matter how it dies
Sometimes I can still feel when something is wrong
There is something about you
Like Deja vu
I don’t NOT like you
Oh well I feel lucky
Stop I’m just being honest
I can’t help it
It’s what gets me in trouble
I still wish you’d leave this protective bubble you’ve formed
I just am bored of so many things
I don’t wish to be around others
Ive always been this way
I don’t get what’s so great about them.
you’ve known of the same type since adolescent hood
I guess I saw him in a light in which others i never could
Struggling I don’t mind picking up someone who’s hurt
He walks the dark and I said so do I.
Except I failed to mention I’m light who can navigate the dark
There is a difference
He felt good having power over what he thought was so maleable
He could have never known I had already remade myself over and over
It was him I decided to be less of a stone too
But it wasn’t because he told me too
But because I was guided too
All those false statements and false moves what he called game
I learned to brush off in school
No it was the other behind that that I could see right through too
So what he told them was a lie and a false image of me
So they could not know what they came up against.
What he controlled was an illusion
I was always on top
But that’s a lie because that’s what I am not
He was an equal and theres ever only been one way I’m submissive.
He lied and tried to do things that are hard to beleive
But I. always ten steps ahead of him and he refused to ever see or give reprieve.
It’s not a brag not in this way.
It’s just I will not be hurt by someone after the first time which was very early on
He could not of known that
And who he’s with?
I knew of her from the first picture.
He may not even remember showing me her.
It’s hard to believe he truly thought I was blind
When the whole time
I smiled and played along
Watching him do all the things people do when in that situation
And him thinking I was blissfully unaware
It became almost embarrassing for them.
But I was entertaining it too.
Part of the game I said I never played and part of the fun.
I won’t start it but I’ll finish it.
But now he’s done things I can’t even understand.
I don’t want to see him in any predicament or within bars
But I’m not sure I can hold to that very far
This empathy is about to turn into a scar
These eyes of yours watched and you asked How could you possibly know
I simply replied
Because he knows and so do I
I can hear him at times
But I cannot answer
Not until he admits the lies
The ones i already know about
Lie. Big and small even silly
Like what like the scarf?
I smile no, he just honestly thought I was foolish enough as if I hadn’t been around the block a few times
How could you forgive what you have told me
Anyone with that list time after a time
Crimes against someone who never meant harm to either of them.
I do not know because maybe it was that I felt above them.
How could I feel bad for them feeling the same
I felt bad for the situation at first then fell for them just the same.
They were my equal but I wanted to help them see their worth
Ease the wrath
I about died when he said he had anger no more
That he had fixed that.
It’s all I saw seeping from beneath.
Seething always
And someone who always plays
Because life has been bad to them
As if they were the only ones who had experienced pain
He had no idea what else he had to gain.
What demons he still had yet to tame
I think he thought two years on me was enough to make him wise
More so than me.
I let him achieve that very thought
And it made him addicted to a control, a power
It was absurd yes
But I still let him play for I knew there would be a tower.
I know secrets he would never know I knew
Yet he told me just in unconventional ways
We used to pass away days
I miss this
He thought I got a picture for obsession when it was for my protection.
As I thought he’d done the same
A complete misunderstanding
Sadly
But he still did the worst gladly
If he knew how very few seconds I ever watched on
He’d have sighed with relief
I don’t even know what I got way down the list
And they decided to try to tear my life apart
And attempt to put me on my knees
But like everything with us
Oh don’t get uncomfortable
I shrugged
It was what it was.
But they try to tear you down make you feel alone
Lied so much you could not keep count?
Sure they did and I guess it would be worse if that all had actually worked
Or id found out too late.
But I didn’t so I developed no hate
I would as we speak wipe the slate
But no he’d have to give up all those he must have validation from
Family of both an issue only I could give a damn.
He had no idea i had always known my worth
I knew what he did in the dark
And how many hands he had to help.
But it makes our fates no less entwined
So for his sake I’d still help him in a bind.
But he only wants your money, your body not your time.
I’m just as much to blame for the physical as I still am not sure who used who.
But the money was no issue as I did not put in it value.
If he came asking to be with me now
I know it would be simply
because he had no other choice and no place or pay even care
Would you still take him in?
It wouldn’t be fair
I am not sure would that be foolish?
Yes do not do this.
He’d simply laugh to himself he’s tricked you again.
Oh I know this he’s thought so long hed trapped a fool
When I was looking right at him and all the way through him.
not telling him I saw him slip a noose on his own neck
I forgot to tell him he was hanging himself
With me He was not the best manipulator
As he’s dealt with only empty tools.
But I have rules
Worry not he won’t come back around unless he needs something
So tell me what it is you lack?
What could I do in your life that would make mine fuller
He smiled
Can you grow up and speak true
I’m sorry, but you must’ve already knew
The first time I saw you.
To know you is to care for you
Oh You’re too kind
And you think I’m laughing at you don’t you?
A little says your brown eyes to my blue
Joking aside you know you must know that I feel something more than just the everyday can I call you late?
I never really minded that.
Still Forget those who made you wait or met you only half way who left you on read and kept you in the gray
No I said he only thought he was stringing me along
You forget I was with someone All along
And how was that right
I hate that in myself
Even if we were actually apart
So who am I to say anything at all?
I have no right to fault him for the stall.
Still the things you said he did and said
I cannot see you caring for his kind
That’s not fair
There’s a whole other side he just doesn’t give to
He’s better than he knows
Still I said
It’s not a choice is it?
Somewhere that same empty void he carries is like mine
That we feel empty yet still think ourselves irresistible
Yet we know our games.
but that’s what makes it fun to watch him pretend he’s not in the bind
He thinks I don’t know so much I do..
Scares me because what else did he do
And I know he is in one
And I’ll let him go
It’s not that i don’t know
I have self respect
I could never let him perceive I will always care
unless he was pure of heart
Even time apart
Will not make him kill his arrogance
too much in his ego
It wasn’t all happenstance
I did it in the know
The pride Is why I had to walk away
It’s why I had to go.
So Can I make you give up on love
So I can pick you up give you enough
Stop saying that like that’s what it is
It’s much worse than that.
It’s the cord itself, I can still care for another
But it’s still right there
It won’t go away
And I have nothing back to give you
A smile is all I saw
But Everything you are is what I already want
I don’t want anything else
Oh This is the exact reason I cannot trust you either
That’s the problem every time.
I don’t trust anyone
I Never did him
Which kills something from the beginning.
So how can I blame him
We both had issues with trust
He could not see we were meant to figure these thing out
He thought I gave him my trust
When he had not even a fourth
And you must know I’m not serious about you
Not yet,
He just shrugged maybe that will change
Please fall out of all that
So you can come back in.
Is that how it works?
No I don’t think
I’ll just have to see
For now I know what I have for you is something
And the pull between you and me is indeed not nothing
Isn’t that all it is?
All you need know?
Come on let’s go.
We are very different maybe that will help show
That there is actually fun to be had.
Am I really that bad
You’d get to happy with yourself if you knew what I see
But I’m not good at it right now
When I say something I say what I mean
I don’t jump around
It’s so rare to even be found
He thought I had others I believe
When that ain’t me
I’m loyal to a connection when it’s not even official.
When I care I’m only for them
And I don’t even ask the same of them
It’s why I’m not even angry at what happened.
I mean that’s not my place to tell him where and what he can do.
But you see it matter how many you have
I like clean and that’s just who I am
I don’t like those who chase after tainting themselves in anything that’ll give out.
I feel bad for them.
Out and about.
I don’t know why don’t we see?
Maybe I just don’t know how to love
Anyone but me
Who told you this?
I watch you and I know that’s not true
Right now it may be because it ain’t you.
Oh you just don’t know me yet I can tell your not completely un phased
You see all with the same eye
You don’t believe in this league
Yes it’s true I am intrigued
Then why and how could you love someone who was like he was to you?
Calm down enough drink you’ll hurt yourself
We laughed bit but he kept going
They looked far to long in their mirror for ways to hurt you
Why even give anything to anyone like that.
To care about anyone who would try to put you where they’re at.
Well I don’t just love the good
That’s no good
You can’t just forgive and care of those who stood where you stood
But truly
I had no answer except one
Before I turned to leave
And its Because the one lie I cannot lie
And neither can he
Because time itself became an illusion
He’s a liar most when he said it wasn’t an intrusion
The mass confusion
One thing stood out
When time goes fast and slow depending on which way we’d go.
And no there is no confusion.
I must go
I’m sorry I’d rather be alone you see
Wait
Because of time?
thats your conclusion?
Time moved faster when he was right beside me.
Yes that is it and alone tonight I’d rather be
Because I do care for their like and your as surprised as me
I don’t think yet I’d truly believed it
I loved the lie and forgave all they’d done and all they would be
Be part of a group of ingrates the blind leading the blind?
That was ok
It wasn’t their great
That kept me close anyway
It was my grace
And they over stepped their place
You know you got a taste
And they still chose the easier the empty, vile and dull.
Fun for a day a year but you and me?
You know what we were
don’t say you didn’t see.
I didn’t know either not truly, until recently
I did fall indeed
I don’t even want it back
What it is you took from me.
Keep it you’ll need it
This energy
Symphony of fate
You came to know this much to late.
So will you come with me for a drink?
I was broke from my thoughts
No not yet I don’t think
Come now, you don’t want too really?
Oh I do I’ve just got things in the morning to do.
You lie you just still think of another
Well sure but that’s not why.
I just know you not at all
You’re a perfect stranger and not the type I’ve known of my whole life.
So get to know me.
I will I believe
Just not tonight.
Don’t tell me you still grieve
Actually no, it’s probably why I don’t with you leave.
Because it never felt over or wrong
I know he felt what I did all along.
It’s a connection I’ve yet to understand
But I didn’t push it away like he had
I took it in hand
I feel he hasn’t let good people in
And that’s how I know I cannot sever the tie
I don’t know why
He won’t let it go
Words or not
But He’s the one with another he chose what he already had that he knew not i saw
I told him I don’t do 3
And I don’t do options as I’m not one
Oh no I’ve given you ammo
Really You’re not an option to me
Oh god I’m not that easy
You cannot play me.
I didn’t mean it that way.
Maybe not but I can still see
You’ll say what you want to get what you want
What I want isn’t what you think
I wouldn’t care if it was as it’s still up to me
Why excuse it in them?
Because I am them.
And I don’t even know what that means.
And not all was bad it’s just what I’m telling you now
We weren’t a thing just around eachother awhile
I’m saying the bad because it outgrew the two of us all together
So I’ll just wait
Oh I’ll go with you soon
Stop about it
I’m not i just know we’d like it
Maybe so
but tonight I’d rather go home
Yes alone
I’ll see you soon
Promise
What I didn’t say is, sounds had gotten in the way
Metal on metal chain link.
Water into sink
The sound of glass on hard plastic.
Metal Springs
Sliding wood on wood
Screen hinges
Gravel and an old dead bolt
Is it your memory or the memory of the memories that got into my head tonight.
Do I even have to answer this.
Don’t I know the answer already?
So do you.
I don’t care who isn’t at fault
Who is and who is not
Who cares
Others would not dare
Do what has been done
And still shockingly I don’t even care
Nonesense I’ve put to rest
I never knew best
So how could you.
As long as you grew
From all of this
A whole other group connected to you
I had to leave
I stayed away for this reason the last year.
You said it accidentally and don’t remember it
Then tried to act away.
That last time we laid and listened to a music
Yes when you thought you so clever
I was just being a friend
But something In the air then said the end
That one song is burned in my memory
And I didn’t know it then.
I saw you some after but not many times
But I don’t know what it is about it.
But it’s like salt in a wound
I gotta let it go and be done
You should’ve spoke.
Time for me to move on.
But sometimes
I get in my head and I remember
A few Decembers
Can feel so long ago
I had no way to know
What all this would lead to
But I grew .
And that’s all I care of
But those sounds, scent, feel, the bridge in spring
Come up at times and make me remember what I should forget.
The further away is not helping
It’s killing it
So I’ll let it die
Because you spy
What you thought was truth
This was old this was new
Wrong.
Wrong is your response
The pipes against the sky
door slammed shut
Such a short time to linger in the mind as long as it has
Who could arrogantly taint it?
It’s why you just can’t get it.
It’s behind all this.
The one song I felt was full of fake
The corners still there
I miss my friend
Love I can find with someone new
By mutual
Yes I miss my friend
I didn’t expect this
It’s to the earth core and back
Something we hadn’t seen before.
It’s why I shut the door.
The crow said something back in September
It landed on the hood of my car
I knew black and dark was all it would bring
It all will die
It would not go back to the sky
It would never be as it was before
Even though all I had was your
But no
Not Unless you made an effort
And we knew the score on the court
It’s why I shut the door
—C.R. Stanger
Oh... never said. Ever. It’s not in my nature. Never said a word aloud.
The times I bought for more than you and you told me not and I still knew
Or when prying.
And you assumed I thought it was a little one benign.
A scarf.
Or you tried to play it in my face thinking gaslighting would make me feel a certain way. I’d drive away
Silly you. I would say.
That resentment never existed anyway as I found it a little bit childish but all in your typical play.
The phone when you called me others names on purpose just to say I was crazy
I could see and knew what was goin on
In all honesty it was very immature
And I easily outsmarted
So texts you pretended were pocket calls as if I truly believed that and you knew better
How you thought I didn’t know is still beyond me.
But I let go of that as soon as I walked away
That didn’t drive me crazy burn
it dude.
made me bored
But that didn’t cut that invisible cord.
But i didn’t wanna be in highschool anymore
And knew who you liked was just your type
So I walked away and let you live that life and painted eyes
were in the next roomt’s brought you joy
Because I’d become annoyed with such energies it’s best i walked
You told them all I felt some way i did not
And showed them what you should not
But I didn’t expect to feel anything months after not seeing them
When eyes not our own were a wall away
Yes I was done with such play
I know you use the silent treatment to get under he skin of others
But it only angered me because it’s not what people grown do
And I’m sorry the silent waiting game has not helped you but pushed me away
You didn’t want me to speak but try to.
So you could point a finger and go look see?
I told you so not this person!!
See ?
Well I disappointed you did i not?
But they are watching now are they not?
Not all I write was of you until only recently
Not everyone’s cup of tea
But an evolution to writing present day style
To my old files
And it’s long because it’s a way of telling a ghost he’s not got away.
If it ain’t your eyes
It’s the eyes of fools
Who actually believed you
Of family that think I know not
What they do
I know who is seeing what I say.
So sorry if you assumed it the other way.
I wait on no one.
I just walk the other way.
I wish you’d simply beleive and have peace when I say
The games you play no longer serve me and in no way help you succeed in your ways.
They have only taught me I’m happy to walk the other way
Love you as I may.
Love is not enough to be treated certain way
You were used to empty vessels that would do whatever you wanted to be around you
I’m sorry but I wanna be around you for you
If you can’t act like you then it isn’t true and I’d rather call it a day.
Why won’t you get that through your head
Selfish and untrue
Will only get you new ones but they will walk away from you un less their toxins outweigh yours and then you got one untrue
When you need a real one through and through
