Terms of.
Ahhh this poem got erased .. this happens when I select all and push right .. my email gets injected .. dam and then I pushed save .. I found the first draft but it’s missing a lot .. laaame .. owell it’s better than none
And listen
I can listen and say what I want.
I can not feel how I feel
I can feel how I feel not
It’s often noticeable
When I finally say something in short
It’s when truth finally speaks
No more probing, testing, speaking no more frivolously
Just to sit and see
If it’s felt inside
There’s no doubt
You’re feeling right.
No more I’m tired of accusing
Just to see what I hear in return
I think I’ve finally learned
And of all people in a single moment you just taught me.
To be silent.
Imagine that.
Give up control.
As in I give up control.
It’s all you did while I saw you.
But afterward it’s all I did.
I don’t think I ever fully believed in any journey more than the next soul
but I knew my forgiveness must come from something.
I knew the unconditional acceptance came from something.
I knew with echoes
That had never happened with anyone else
I only talk to any passing departed soul
And time seemed to change
Home was where I didn’t know
But I could’ve had that for any?
But no it’s more than that. How do we speak.
how do we know?
I figured you’d do so just to call me crazy
Hey you’ve said it to so many before?
But I think you know
And you aren’t the one to be calling the kettle black are you?
But. Relinquishing control?
I have fears still.
As doing this means trusting you mean no more harm?
To stop sensing harm in the energies
The second I feel yours id turn it around
How hard to think you mean well
Perspectives i can change at will
But you are very hard
Is it my intuition warning me
Or overthinking fears
My intuition says you woke up.
But everything I’ve been taught
And fears have been carved
Says to run
And you can’t imagine how hard that is.
But letting go means I have to let go of all outcome
Even the worst one
Which is where I rather love to survive.
Giving it up would be like setting myself free?
And that’s never been me
I like my fortress
It’s what I know best.
You protect yourself
So do I.
But why do you think I’ve tried to make clear.
there was never any hard feelings?
It really wasn’t that painful
And truly because we spoke after you left even if 3d didn’t know
So. It wasn’t to my heart.
But to my soul? My life?
Well. Yes because it was by you this darkness was caused.
Or by you and yours.
But why try to tell you it wasn’t that bad?
Because I wanted to sound tough?
Say I’m fine so you won’t see otherwise?
No.
I can promise you if you’re quiet
You will hear exactly what I feel inside.
It’s not in words.
It’s just how you feel.
Without our names attached.
It you and you I.
As crazy as that sounds
What other explanation is there to be had?
Every step unfolding exactly how read
We always have. Once you awaken that is.
But why? Why force im fine?
Well. Because of pride.
Can’t let anyone get one over on me.
Pride.
So no one ever gets trust.
Never has.
Takes years.
If that
But.
That didn’t keep things from happening bad to me did it?
I can know someone is a liar.
I can hear someone’s desires
I can force a test on someone
Knowing the outcome
Yet
still the bad will happen
So what good is pride?
What good is it to hold on so tight
To control?
You manipulate to gain supply but not access.
I manipulate to gain access but not supply.
Fine
Why did just now i start to feel pain?
When the word surrender was heard.
Okay.
I can do that too.
I didn’t know you had truly taken up what you already somehow knew.
I’ve always felt it, known it but as usual the skeptic in my mind
Would rather overthink it
Rather push it away and scoff at it
Fine. I accept it.
But did you say it or your highest self
Who is it I really speak with
Why could I not do it before with any living?
People can sometimes hear it in a verbal form
If they listen close
But they can’t choose the who.
Apparently I could
But neither can I anymore
I once could hear stories from around
Far
Now?
It’s only you saying anything
And ever so often someone else around you.
Is this for real?
It’s never been an over romanticized idea
Lives are forever altered
People change from what they were
The world surrounding the connection goes haywire
Ours seem extra ridiculous.?
Don’t you think?
Or is that the chaos magic still bouncing about
I don’t wish for you to feel anything negative
Even in payment for this you’ve done
I already took it after being told never to do so
I wished it wouldn’t be so
Even if it laid on me some.
The heavy burden that is reaping what you sow
I know
I know more than you think about what’s happened to thee
For someone else I would’ve judged
But unless you plan on trapping me
Then I’m not sure you can be held to such
You’re already a part of me.
Ok
Maybe I say I believe but still?
In my soul I’ve always known that
Honestly maybe even before we “met”
I didn’t know it would be you if all people
But I heard things
It’s 11:11 as I write this this minute
You know if you lie about what you are doing or betraying it
Surely you’d not be so foolishly ignorant
Surely you wouldn’t play or act on this
Something this powerful, mystical.
Mysterious?
Surely not.
And moreover
What is this?
I’ve always been part of the divine
The spirit realm just a place that I know exists.
But would this?
I know the name is new but the dynamic is ancient
So it’s never that I doubted
But you?
Is that true?
I recognized always.
I had days trying not too.
And I could never turn away
I could never see a stranger especially when I was away from you
If that makes sense.
Meaning beside me I’m seeing through you.
You’re simply so alive to me I don’t notice what I see
And I notice this so very soon.
Different
New
Why?
I shook your hand once a decade before
I thought his hands are cold why are you standing there all alone
In the middle of a crowded room staring at the crowd while part of it.
You were thinking about something
You seemed different then even
You once said that you weren’t always like “this”
when I finally was around you
I didn’t know quite what you meant
For It was that one I learned to care for.
Whatever image you had of yourself then i didn’t remember.
Nothing I pondered on.
If you have indeed awoke
Then you are one with the highest part of yourself
But like me I know you’re having trouble letting go of other things
I’m telling you whatever you experience
You’d be shocked to find I’m dealing with it too.
Whatever goals you have in mind
Are likely not far from my own.
But we have different paths.
We did not meet at wrong time
This was all exactly like it was suppose to be
So yes.
It’s stings all a sudden
To have to relinquish my control
Over the situation
Over myself and any outcome
Good or bad.
I won’t even say what one is rather half.
Surrender?
Ok. I can try to do that.
You must have read about them.
I grow tired of telling what I know you know I know you did
I’m sorry should I be more mad?
Someone else maybe I would be
We may have spoke like strangers at some point
But this was going on above us .
Speaking somehow
Understanding somewhere
Yet completely apart
Even if looking right at you.
Speaking yet seeing right through you.
Surrendering?
Do you really think you beleive?
It’s not another way to trying to bring
More of the same
If so I can do the same.
Surrendering the game.
Letting go means also means to let go of masks
Move in authentic self and let myself feel as it will
Do you not see how dangerous that is for me?
I turn on feelings now I have an ability to get hurt.
Or heart broke
How would that be safe?
Considering how much someone has tried to confuse me about you?
Who did this?
You say things you think people wanna hear to get the desired outcome
And while being open and surrendered
I would end up being hurt for sure by you because i recognize this
If I could see just you for the rest of my life I’d be fine with that
I don’t think you understand that.
I always knew what it meant
Life keeps keeping us apart
And if you understood the mistake it would be to ruin it if we ever.
I would come as soon as I could
I feel you’re unsafe all the time for some reason
I don’t know why.
But I also feel you’re unsafe for me
I can’t know when you’ll decide to shut off and become cruel
It’s just not my way.
But just like when you said it’s me or that
Remember this?
You thought you succeeded tricking and no I just was showing you that you were indeed more important
So ego
I’ll shut it down
I’ll chance being hurt
Even though you seem to sadistically enjoy causing pain to even those you love
Which makes that a frightening prospect.
I’ve never been so confused in my life
But I will say all the things people tried to make you
Never set right
They never felt right to me
Even while betraying me
It felt for reasons that weren’t quite as sinister as it was claimed
And I’m not doing the whole physical relationship again.
That’s over.
And you may feel passionate now about me but that’s simply because you haven’t seen me and you’re always ready for something new.
How long will it be before you do the very same thing to me again?
Is it worth the chance?
Because everyone I know if I ever talked about you
Which I don’t
Would say he’d just do it again.
Luckily my heart wasn’t opened the first time
This time it would be
It Happened for real not long ago.
I havent wanted anyone else.
You know that.
And I know you know that
As much as I know how you feel.
But I hear bad things said too
But fine
I’ll ignore them
I’ll trust.
It’ll just end up hurting me
But before you think that’ll give you any outcome you want
It won’t
I handle myself the same any way.
But I won’t even talk of it anymore
I
Miss you.
And I can’t do this anymore
I’m tired of all of these crazy people.
I’m sick of everyone.
The person that’s said to have done the most
I’m not even angry at.
I just don’t care.
And if I asked for the truth you wouldn’t tell me the whole thing
You’d omit or lie about something
But at this point I just don’t care.
I know your highest self
Whether you like it or not.
I’ll surrender
Go in my way
Give up ego control.
And hope you come back to me some time.
CRS
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