No Stamp
Unsent
I’ve run out of stamps
Or maybe I never had any
I had no numbers
And no box
No way to say
No way to display
All the stamps have long been burned
I miss what
Will it be solved
Or burn
What can you not understand?
What could you not learn?
Have no ability to discern
Not on your own
If you think you aren’t good enough
Well You are
You did too much
Maybe.
We will never be forgiven
You will.
You are.
Think you’re the villain
Yes for your worst moments
And in some ways
I was never the hero either.
I had to blame only one
To see why the others would do what they do.
But a leap of faith cannot be taken
On someone who hides their face and says not a word
A stranger again.
If im silent it’s because you wanted me to be confused
That you wanted me unable to choose
That you thought I deserved all the abuse
Well how in the world could you ever think such
You based such egregious plans on complete misinformation
Bad interpretation of things I had done
Because you were told to
Because you believed what others said.
So when one grows hate out of a thing that never even existed
It’s hard to tear down this idol to hate.
So you continue to take shots I watch
And you won’t even speak to my face
No words to make a relevant case
Because you’d rather hate a fake version of me.
You won’t call or write
Just to lay it out and fight
It doesn’t always have to be about love you don’t feel
Love you can’t kill
Love you can’t still
Because no I will never for just a thrill
Not ever again.
Sincerity is all I’ll go for anymore
If you have none times been up
That does not mean there isn’t unfinished business
You know there is and it’s in a serious way.
If you wanna win I would stop
It’s bigger than that.
The only way to help
Is to talk
Otherwise I can’t stop any of it I’m finally seeing the puzzle you tried to show me.
I communicate clear
I didn’t realize you were trying to show me
Anything
But it matters not
If you can speak even when it’s about what is fought
In silence head down
All I wish is for you to be okay.
That’s all I ever wanted to hear in the first place.
I could want revenge for a few
But I don’t I was already through
If you wanted me to play the fool I tried
But for only so long can I live the lie
You actually enjoy being this type of person?
You still think you were right?
That what you did, are doin and still do?
Is ok?
I feel an awakening
I felt not before.
You think I shut it down
Just because you wanted me bound
To only sadness and what they wanted?
No I still feel and think the very same about it
But I refuse to give anymore information for eyes that are trying to see through to my soul
To crush it
You couldn’t the first time
Not even touch it
Look it side and you’ll find
Why
I can’t still damn hear you.
I would’ve loved to sacrifice
that soul for someone who despised me
But I couldn’t even do that.
Because there eyes are here.
I say they to give a show.
You must not really know?
Or your that messed up.
And you see that’s why I’m folding it up.
I never left
You can have the cat back.
That you could hold in your palm
Over it I read a psalm
The very night I got back
Then looked into the eye
Of a thing I knew looked back
What’s the point?
But I need my things you refused to give back.
finally absurd for continuing to run and ignore and act out
I’m not watching you you know that right?
I don’t have other faces to watch you
I don’t stalk
I don’t talk
Your idea of me was wildly flawed
I have no idea what where or why.
I mean aside from the obvious that I already knew.
But even so that didn’t mean you couldn’t come out and talk
And act like the human you pretend to be
I already know what your not suppose to say
And why you aren’t suppose to reach out.
And the reason now is your just that much of the run and hide type.
And over night I saw you for who you really were.
Oh wait I knew that when I confessed it all
So long ago
You just never believed me
But I knew about this fall.
And still stuck it out.
You aren’t blocked
And I don’t know how to talk
Where to a carrier pigeon?
I know a lot
I know the darkness and if it won’t talk.
But it’s all null to me now.
You could’ve told me all was ok
But you think I’m suffering so you decided to stay
Just like you are
That’s never gonna happen.
Someone who wishes that will never make me feel that.
But that which is loving
Would get just that..
You really didn’t get it did you.
I feel sorry for any like you.
I’ll get dramatic I suppose
Put on a show that I’m tryin to for yall.
But I’m fine.
Always was.
I’m sorry I wasn’t broken like you thought I was
All I fear now is what will happen to you.
I’d protect the sickest heart
Who wished me dead
If I had already promised them it was already said
Don’t believe me?
You should see
All it took was a few words
Now because I haven’t heard
A thing
I have no choice but to assume you ain’t even a name
And now I’m through
With this.
Oh right I’m dangerous
How is that lie coming out?
You wanted to beat me at a game you made up.
Well her I am
Your opponent watching you throw fists at the dust
Because you made up an effigy that didn’t exist
And worshipped it in hatefulness
And thought my lack of resistance
Was stupidity
No I just refused to tear you down
Like you tried to do to me.
What that lie didn’t file out how you thought it would be?
Ask for my stuff
And what did you say?
Don’t harass me?
Ah perjury
Get me caught up?
I mean what?
So what?
Just idiocy
You had complete mental tongues in your ear.
I get it even if from your hidden heart it sprung
But I’m this song unsung
You think I was gonna break your boundary like you did mine?
No
I’m sorry finally having a hard time
With who you loved and found was an illusion
I tried to tell you.
Write another
Do whatever
Restrain the order or order the restraint
To loosen its grip.
Or let the last slip.
Why did you take the choice they presented with spite in your voice
You should’ve thought different.
But as it is.
And the ugly world you tried to create
Out of arrogance and pride
Knowing how many lies
I just let you escape with
And protected it still
But stay quiet.
It’s not doin what you think.
But why does this feel like someone’s not safe
Why is someone bleeding.
Why is there disease and virus
Disaster and fires
Death and mystery
Oh yea it’s the confusion and paranoia thrown out only to come back in.
I’m sorry.
I started none of this.
I’ll pretend a distraction works for a short time
Then because it’s myself on the line
And I took my peace.
I’m gonna go out with a shiver down my spine
And yjou refused to try to release the anger you said you didn’t feel anymore
Remember?
I knew then what would be in store.
Remember
But come December
It won’t matter anymore
You took n íuu uh I know many chances to use your tongue.
To many songs I have unsung
Tried to pretend that you weren’t in bluff
That you weren’t playing tough
That it was never love.
But
I’ve mourned for the dead long enough.
You have acted like someone in need of understanding
And with all your demanding
And of the misunderstanding that you thought were proof of a terrible person
That justified you trying to destroy them.
With all the other hell I have in the side
You never had the nerve
And still no competition is ever deserved
Because when I say what I say?
I mean it that way.
When I say what I say?
It’s on record
Or it wouldn’t be said.
Sound familiar.
It should for it’s been read.
Again and again.
Trying to get words to figure out what you can try next
Here you go.
Try try again.
I’m giving you the knives that know where the soul is.
If thrown right.
That’s what you’re trying to destroy right?
Well go ahead hope you are up for the fight
I’ve stayed tired of this.
But you don’t ever relent.
And I’ll still be walking
When finally your hate is spent
And I’ll still just be watching you try to spin
This into making you look victimized and on and to lied.
No one believes that.
I’m still here
Supporting you trying to pretend
While you burn the proof
I’ll continue to defend
What I know
That we are both tired and neither you or I still grin
And it’s because neither care
If one or the other bends
Until your other self takes the wheel
I just wanna sleep
Because I can still feel were you been.
Even standing still.
And I feel honestly so sad for you
But I’m tied to the fact there is nothing I can do
If you drown or live well
If you in heaven or hell.
Because I’ll only hear the truth if you tell
But look what you do.
Trying to make a case secretly so I say out loud
So others think it’s I who came around
We both know that ain’t true
You won’t drop ego
And leave riddles
Just speak plain
You’ve nothing more to gain
For I’ve shown you my game
An enemy to defend
I cannot drink from you a drink
Without a blink
I’ll still this enemy defend
Everyone needs one
I’d tell you this
But I’ve no stamp
No wire to link
So I’ll defend any enemy
Everyone needs I believe
Don’t you think?
—C.R.Stanger
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